The Daily Chime

Here are some 'not-so-serious' questions which i have pondered over and haven't found answers to in quite a while. If you do know the answers, lemme know.

Where are the pretty girls in trains or buses in which i travel? I never find them. I have traveled, like a million times, between Chennai and Bangalore, never have i seen a pretty girl in my coach. How the hell do they travel? The reservation list is devoid of anyone between 18 and 25. Damn my luck! Do they always enjoy the luxuries of first class, airplane or something? It could be true, they seem to find all comforts way too easily. They jump queues, get away with parking tickets, shed some tears and 'earn' a free ice cream and what not. As George Costanza puts it: Pretty women; they get everything.

What's with the ISO9001 certificates? All it says is, “document everything you do, you will in our privileged list.” If you have knowledge about an impending disaster or of all the things that can go wrong, write it, announce it and have your fifteen seconds of fame receiving the certificate. Everybody seems to have those certificates anyway. If am not wrong, there will be a day when matrimonial sites' profile claims, “my life is ISO9001 certified, my whole lifestyle is documented here. Interested?”

Why do drivers honk when the signal is red? Or when the LED display shows 10 seconds for the light to turn green? Which school do those people come from? I can read people, i know when to stop and when to move. Is it because of what Jerry Seinfeld claims? Men try to impress women. They call out for them. This man is running out of ideas. Look what he is doing to get attention!

When will the older generation realize that weekends are meant to have fun and not to rest? They tell me on Wednesdays after a tiring day, “you don't stay at home on Sundays, that's why you tired now.” Why do I need to remind my parents every time that I have 'plans'? Just like any average, conservative, god-fearing south Indian family, my enormously inquisitive family wants me to be a 'nice' guy. What's the point? It is the bad ones who get to have all the fun.

Why are the big names in bollywood movies always Malhotras, Saxenas, Sharmas, Mishras or Guptas? Its high time we have reservations for the other 'lower' names that are being under-represented. No wonder south Indian names don't sound so cool! Give us a Sastry as a successful lawyer, and we will show that we can be the handsome hunks of the country. Why can't a Murthy be a protagonist who is the apple of everyone's eyes? More on that here (funniest blog post ever).

What is a conductor (or maestro) doing in a opera performance? What signals can he possibly send to the ones who are actually playing an instrument. To me it looks as if he is struggling to cover himself with a blanket when he lies down to sleep.

Why are all the shampoos and detergent 'new and improved'? When were we using the 'old and ineffective'?

Why is a couple congratulated when the wife is pregnant? I totally understand the gesture when the baby is born, it does take some effort, but not anytime before. Come on, it not like it can't happen by accident. And it doesn't take big efforts either. Believe me when I say it's been done to death. **

How come some of us don't understand that the 'proposals' they are talking about are actually 'pick up lines' and that dating doesn't mean falling in love? In one of the threads on Orkut dating community: How did you propose the first time? Huh? First time? Dude, there aren't many Ross Gellers in this planet you know. Orkut dating communities are treat for anyone with a great appetite for laughter.

When will Americans get rid of the notion that anti-war is anti-American and absorb the notion that George Bush is an Idiot? Perhaps George Bush himself can figure them out! Both of them. He can't be that dumb.....or can he?

Why does Bangalore times try to spread an unrealistic culture? One of the issues spelled out, “youngsters today spend about Rs. 250 everyday on eat-out and joints like cafe coffee day.” Whoa!!!!! Not everyone is a biological offspring of a Malhotra or a Saxena. There are still those people who never find the need to fill the secret pockets in their trousers, let alone finding one of their drinks or their service appalling.

Talking about what I find, appalling, it is the grotesque paintings of Picasso. How do people find it appealing instead? Deemed ineducable, he must have spent his entire life time in solitary confinement. He absolutely had no idea what a human being looked like. The only reason the paintings remotely resembled a human being is because they walked on two legs and had exactly two eyes, a nose, a mouth and two ears, but brutally out of proportion.

Why does everyone call me coolshankin? It is not just with one friend circle but everyone. I know that the ID is pretty lame, but it is just my email address (at least before i started blogging). When people can't get around teasing me, they just call me 'coolshankin' and smile. Helpless, I smile back. In my defense, it sounded “cool” way back in eight standard when i made my yahoo id.

Lastly, of many who read this post, why is it that only a few leave a comment? Every post I write, I manage to send offliners in yahoo and send messages over gtalk and spam the orkut account announcing the “publication” and asking for comments, yet only a handful leave a comment. My site meter shows over 30 visits, but only 5-6 comments.

If you have any questions nagging you or answers to some questions above, do comment. This post is no way intended to offend Picasso, his fans, Seinfeld or any other great artist in the same way as Sony did not intend to offend Christians with the release of The Da Vinci Code and as Aamir Khan did not intend to bring down the name of Gujarat with his noble request to help people which BJP has a problem with. Everything must be taken in jest. That raises a couple of more 'not-so -serious' questions, doesn't it?

** "done to death" was Elaine's reaction on having babies....as an afterthought, that paragraph was rather unnecessary

# posted by Shankar : 6:50 AM